Phoenix
Phoenix Nexus News Sub Space Static: Volume 2. Issue 27.
Sub Space Static: Volume 2. Issue 27.

***** Inter Galactic News *****


How do you fit a dead meatsack in a blender?

Feet first, of course.

How do you get them out again?

Doritos.

NEWS TIME!



*** New Caliph Found – Not Hiding Under Rock ***

The acting Caliph of the, well, Caliphate, has been confirmed in his leadership role of the puny human CAL.

Puny humans, Kang wishes you would all just combust already.



*** Hilarious Boarding Bankrupts Small State ***

The Brotherhood this week boarded two suspicious FRE flagged vessels, and discovered the following onboard:


FRE SHIP OLOGAN (85739) - {40 Light Hulls}
Tramp Hauler Class Freighter {Light Ablative Armour}
Aff: FRE
LifeForms: 6441
Class: Tramp Hauler
Hulls: 40 Light Hulls (60)
Armour: 20 Ablative Armour Plates (460)
Hull Damage: None
Max Boarders: 779

INSTALLED ITEMS
1 Bridge (100)
80 Cargo Bay (134)
3 Gatling Laser (215)
4 ISR Type 4 Engines (155)
10 Jammers (112)
1 Jump Drive (175)
11 Quarters (131)
5 Sensor (103)
10 Thrust Engine (160)

CARGO
35 Crew (480)
1600 Kastorian Colonist (33756)
1600 Naplian Administrator (45200)
1600 Naplian Colonist (775)
1600 Naplian Judicial (45201)
40 Transport Module (415)
5 Veteran Crew (481)

also:
FRE SHIP FIREFLY (12696) - {40 Light Hulls}
Tramp Hauler Class Freighter {Light Ablative Armour}
Aff: FRE
LifeForms: 6441
Class: Tramp Hauler
Hulls: 40 Light Hulls (60)
Armour: 20 Ablative Armour Plates (460)
Hull Damage: None
Max Boarders: 779

INSTALLED ITEMS
1 Bridge (100)
80 Cargo Bay (134)
3 Gatling Laser (215)
4 ISR Type 4 Engines (155)
10 Jammers (112)
1 Jump Drive (175)
11 Quarters (131)
5 Sensor (103)
10 Thrust Engine (160)

CARGO
38 Crew (480)
1600 Kastorian Colonist (33756)
1600 Naplian Administrator (45200)
1600 Naplian Colonist (775)
1600 Naplian Judicial (45201)
40 Structural Module (420)
40 Transport Module (415)
2 Veteran Crew (481)


The embarked bureaucrats immediately filed papers to begin drawing wages from the BHD, to the tune of Kang absolutely shudders to think how many stellars.

And 6480 meatsacks crammed into a 40 hull tramp hauler? Kang also shudders to think about the STENCH!



*** CAL Press Release ***

From the Assembly Building, Planet Creche, Darkfold System.

Salem,

Today I preside over the inauguration ceremony for this year's Majlis. The Majlis is the Caliphate's lower house of Parliament, an elected body where representatives from all Caliphate systems may speak for or against legislation.

Re-election of the Majlis confirms our noble Caliph's dedication to democratic accountability and the rule of law. I am pleased to report that we have returned 435 system representatives and 54 Brotherhood advisors to the House.

Seven politicals from CAL, CIA and BHD now send representation to the Majlis. With this diverse and experienced group, I look forward to a year of action and bold proposals ahead.

May the True One guide us - the Majlis of 216 is now open.

Peace be upon you,
Jeral Zaff - Vizier



*** Crispy Wimbles ***

A Wimble freighter has been fired upon after landing to admire some bucolic green fields just outside a GTT Starbase.

The GTT base interpreted this landing as an attempt by the WMB to launch a ground assault, and interrupted their cozy picnic with high explosives.

THIS IS HOW IT SHOULD BE!


*** Catnip Munching Surrender Kittens ***

It turns out the Felini are not actually allied to the Krell, they are simply helping them remove an unfortunate Ulian infestation from the Storm system as an act of kindness and charity.

Kang fully expects the Krell to declare war on the FEL by the end of the week.




***** Periphery Classifieds *****



*** Corewards Expansion ***

In Light of the ceasefire holding

The superior Empire of the Race has opportunities for the superior development of superior outposts within this exciting section of space.

Contact the Superior FLZ for details.


*** Gigantic Scientist Required ***

Salute

We are interested in a scientist, with speciality in large size principle, anyone
having one not working at this time, whose contract you will trade or let us
rent him for a bit of time?

Warlord Namica


*** Useless Human Ships For Sale ***

Basic configuration:

Quote:
1 Bridge (100) - 50 mus
230 Cargo Bay (134) - 25 mus
12 ISR Type 3 Engines (150) - 20 mus
1 Jump Drive (175) - 50 mus
10 Quarters (131) - 25 mus
5 Sensor mkII (104) - 10 mus
10 Thrust Engine mkII (161) - 20 mus
20 Thrust Engine mkIII (162) - 20 mus

Install Space: 6990/7000 Weapon Space: 990/1000


x 2 Off

PM with offers.

Lady Ungol


*** Lonely Governor Seeks Love In All The Wrong Places ***

Would the SMS commander of the SMS EI-Y INTRUDER (4387) please contact me via PM?

Tom Krieger