Phoenix
Phoenix Nexus News Sub Space Static - No Love For You Edition.
Sub Space Static - No Love For You Edition.

Sub Space Static - No Love For You Edition.

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Your beloved Editor, Overlord Kang, may his superiority long shine as a beacon for all other lesser races to follow, wishes you mellow greetings puny meatsacks and flesh-things of the Peripheries.

Some have asked The Editor recently, ‘Why so mean?’

Honestly, Kang wonders at the stupidity of lesser races that they even have to ask this pointless question. Kang pities you all.

But particularly you.

Yes.

You.

HERE IS NEWS!



*** Exciting Doggy News ***

For once Kang is being quite genuine here, the Dewiek have announced something exciting:


Dewiek sources have revealed that they have discovered what appears to be the home system of the TCA. Initial investigations have proved ineffective due to swarms of hostile nanites. Other Dewiek military sources have indicated that they are proceeding slowly due to the duel danger of potential large amounts of meklans and the bigger risk of making the TCA more active generally even allowing manned craft can get to the planet without destruction.


Of course this is not the first time Kang has heard reports of some meatsack or other thinking they’d found the homeworlds of the TCA. But the capacity for hilarious mass destruction is high, and Kang suspects these puny TCA meatsacks will die just as readily as all the rest that have been toasted, burnt, captured, or otherwise blown to pieces recently.

Kang salutes you, puny Dewiek! Now, start nuking their homeworlds already.



*** Cheerful Executions Spill Over Into Cheerful Bloodbath ***

It has not been a good day to be part of the Brotherhood this week, as Flagritz authorities at the Fessin Lijori Starbase have rounded up an undisclosed number of BHD peons and executed them for what are described as ‘undisclosed crimes’.

Undisclosed? Clearly the BHD were lesser meatsacks, and they deserved to be executed on those grounds alone. But Kang supposes if he was forced to speculate, he would suggest it probably has something to do with the recent allegations of spying made against the Inferior BHD by the Superior Flagritz authorities.

It’s not that Kang thinks all humans make for inferior spies.

No, wait, that is exactly what Kang thinks.

~click~

EXCEPT FOR THE CIA WHOSE SPYING IS SECOND TO NONE

~click~

Hmm. Kang appears to be suffering those blackouts again.


*** Festive Food Delivery ***

Idiotic Detinus authorities are apparently incapable of reading a calendar, as they have unleashed a major festive food offensive across the wretched birthplace of humanity this week, missing Christmas by a number of weeks.

CAN YOU NOT TELL THE TIME PUNY DTR? MUST KANG PURCHASE YOU AN ADVENT CALENDAR?

You would not like Kang’s advent calendar.

You would not like it at all.

Here are the news reports as broadcast by an inferior Dirt-based news agency:

News reports that the DTR have made a festive food delivery to the populace of South America. It was fun and games down at the distribution plant with DTR handlers dressed as Papa Noel.
Sufficient food was distributed to give 5 million families a Christmas dinner (though the actual food appears to be the same old packages in re-stamped crates).



Same old packages in re-stamped crates eh? KANG IS ONTO YOU! SNEAKY MEATSACKS!

Still, Kang grudgingly admits 5 million deliveries is pretty impressive. If only each one had contained a hand grenade.


*** Emperor Of Humanity ***

Kang had a news story here about the so-called ‘Emperor’ of so-called ‘humanity’.

But Kang is not running it, because humanity is on Kang’s naughty list this year.

So here is a clip of Kang torturing a bus load of tourists who took a wrong turn instead.

… Kang hopes you enjoy the slow-motion sequences.


*** AFT News ***

MRC/PRV ships sprung a surprise attack against an AFT service facility in Halo this week. Although the facility was lightly defended, the enemy ships withdrew from battle the following day before AFT reinforcements were able to arrive.

A review of after action reports indicates that 1 enemy ship may have been destroyed while a couple of others suffered light to moderate damage. No AFT ships or personnel were lost in the skirmish.

Analysts are uncertain as to the purpose of the attack and whether this is a precursor to a larger conflict.

Kang is certain that incompetence was involved somewhere.


*** Carnival Of Rust ***

The Felini have closed their market at the wretched fleapit known as Carnival Of Rust. Kang suspects an outbreak of deadly plague.


*** Dewiek Award Catnip Munching Surrender Kittens With Painful Long Fang Insertion ***


The DEN have released the following statement:

It is with Great pleasure that I Folkvar High Lord of the Nation and Leader of the Council of Elders award the above to Star Admiral Chamiah.

His service directly to the Felini Tyranny and indirectly to Nation is worthy of reward.

For those in ignorance of the Saga's meaning,an explanation is provided.

The Saga of the Long Fang

The Long Fangs have brought honour to themselves in providing a blood offering to the Nation and the High Lord by killing worthy foes. Whilst not one of the greatest sagas to be remembered through all the ages, the Sagas of the Long Fangs nourish the bloodthirsty mind of the Dewiek and mark out individuals that have earned exceptional honour and worthiness.



Kang is unclear on what exactly Star Meatadmiral Chamiah has done to earn this gesture of… respect? From the DEN, but Kang is certain it was worthy and splendid and not at all snivelling and wretched.


*** CAL Declare Peace And Love And Ban HEX ***

The Hexamon have been banned from Caliphate space and from dealing at Caliphate starbases for reasons.

DARE KANG SPECULATE?!


*** Mission Of Superiority To Lesser Races ***

FLZ Press Release.

Following on from the successful deployment of an Imperial ambassadorial presence to the Caliphate, the Empire will be sending similar emissaries to the IMPerial Services and Detinus Republic.

There are 10 ambassadors in each party, unaccompanied by any retinue; they will subsist on the good will of their hosts.

The remaining 10 ambassadors will remain with the Caliphate.

A representative of the IMPerial Services and Detinus Republic is to make contact to arrange the transfer.

Lady Ungol



*** Falconian Newsreel Of Doom ***

Corewards News
Our Felini allies must have been delighted to find a MRC vessel spotted by us weeks before still in the same location. Their antipiracy squadron destroyed the 50HH vessel and provoked outrage from the RIP who vowed to target FEL positions. The following day saw a counterattack by a substantial number of 50HH MRC vessels mostly named Anon Mous.
By the end of the day a further 14 mercenaries had been destroyed for the loss of a single 50NH destroyer and a further 3 mercenaries are thought to have been destroyed leaving the quad.
Star Admiral Chamiah has been awarded the Long Fang Honour by the DEN.

Rescue Updates
The crew of a FCN exploration vessel were safely recovered in transpiral after their reported asteroid mishap. A second vessel has been repaired to continue its mission.
A small DTR vessel and its crew has been recovered from an asteroid field in Caribbean and transported to a DTR system.

Trade news
New Stocks of Falconian pillows should soon be available from Dark Sun City. Mysterious production issues have hit the first weeks supplies ( this is where a more lightweight magazine would insert a pillowfight picture - feel free to search for your own).

A new product Asteroid Alcohol should soon be on sale at Babel in Fury. The generic item has been specially refined from natural alcohols found in the ice of an asteroid in this system. Soon available at 1st/mu it may not set sales figures alight but caution is urged with this product near naked flames.

Gizmo News
The first warship has been converted to use specialised falconian technology. The carrier upgrade has been named in honour of House Hawk warriors. It is absolutely untrue that harder working corvines feathers have been ruffled by this naming convention.

Legal Footnote
Falconian arbitrators have ruled that unprotected assets in unclaimed and lawless areas are subject to seizure for their own protection and to stop them being acquired by disreputable sorts.




Kang has bolded that last one for it amuses Kang greatly.




***** The Return Of The Rare OOC Snippets From The Nexus Section *****

In case any puny meatsacks missed it, the wretched snivelling flesh-thing known as Mica has announced two new orders this week:


Exchange complexes now have a use (thanks to the Felini).

They can be used (even at outposts) to process basic ores (mets/elements/carbons) into their alloys.

The exchange rate is 1:1 as per production.

Exchange complexes have a weekly output of 40, i.e. 1 exchange complex can convert 40mu mets to 40mu light alloys.

The order (which will be uploaded later today) is:
Process Basic Ore (amount) (quantity).
Like train troops I see this primarily used as a post maintenance standing order and while not quite as efficient as production, have their uses when shipping ores is also involved. It comes down to the situation as to whether it is better to transport to a starbase and process into alloys or process into alloys at an outpost and ship.



Base scan order added. A nice and easy one requested at the pubmeet.

Requires appropriate tooled stargate harmonics for the system.
Information revealed:
open/closed
If open:
Key needed
Known systems linked to.

I can see this being used as a standing order at a starbase in the system.