Phoenix
Phoenix Nexus News Sub Space Static. Stardate Star Date 214.39.5
Sub Space Static. Stardate Star Date 214.39.5

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

It is that time of year when the nights draw in and Kang sits by his fire casually pushing kittens in with his poker.

… who is Kang kidding.

Kang pushes kittens into fires all year round.

HERE IS NEWS! BROUGHT TO YOU BY DEAD KITTENS!


*** Mohache Gear Up For War ***

The Mohache Independent Commune have again revealed their brutal war-like nature by seeking to employ large numbers of troops this week.

With an initial contract requesting 4000 trained soldiers, we can only wait for the moment the MIC unleash terror upon the Peripheries.


*** Brotherhood Considered Too Scary To Attack Under Honest Flags ***

On this day 214.38.1, a Brotherhood missionary ship has been destroyed in an unprovoked and unjustified attack by MRC forces orbiting Indar in the Persian system.

That the MRC forces had the audacity to have the Brotherhood on their active lists speaks volumes of who their backers may be.

The Brotherhood demands reparations for this outrageous attack on peaceful missionaries. If this is not forthcoming then we will offer a 100,000 stellar reward for verifiable intelligence that identifies the backer of these MRC forces.

Pyros
Lord Inquisitor
The Brotherhood of the True One


*** Breaking The Law ***

The GCE have broken some obscure article of Caliphate law. No doubt they failed to grovel sufficiently.

Kang wishes to know, have YOU sufficiently grovelled today?

It is never too early to start.


*** Ships For Sale ***

Two Mercury class capital warships are now for sale at Athist in the Coptuv system. Each is a 200HH with mk2 hulls and mk1 armour plates, mounting nova cannon armaments. As usual they already have a naval officer and are ready to sail into battle on moment's notice.

The internals have been designed to fit the budget conscious admiral while minimizing the negative impact on combat performance.

Asking price for these ships is $200k each.


*** Meklan! ***

The RIP appear to have outed themselves as holding over 1000 Meklan on the planet Lunk in the Yank system. Keen observers of mayhem and bloodshed should know that the Meklan are capable of forming a hive mind if collected in groups of 1000 or more, so it should be any day now that the Meklan at this base go on the rampage and start converting innocent sentients into more Meklan.

Kang looks forward to the day the Yank system is finally consumed by grotesque bio-mechanical horror.



***** Special Report – Special Kangian Actions *****


It has been brought to Overlord Kang’s attention that slovenly lackies amongst the EEM central exploration department been on their ‘holidays’ recently, and explorations have not been getting run as eager exploration teams might have hoped.

Therefore to fill this gaping void with his tentacles of helpfulness, your beloved Overlord Kang has decided to process your exploration requests for you.


Special action/xxxx/xxxx/Forest/Interesting Trees.

Action: Have the team examine the fruit of all of the interesting trees in this area.

Result: Fruit? You wish your team to examine fruit?!

Kang is revolted by your pathetic exploration efforts, and does not even deign to respond to this wretched request. You may well want to waste your time examining worthless fruit inside this worthless forest with your worthless lifespans, puny meatsacks, but Kang will not tolerate it in Kang’s presence.

BEGONE! WORTHLESS SACK OF MEAT!

And return only when you have an investigation worthy of Kang’s superior time and attention.




Note From The Overlord: Special Actions processed by Kang will remain unofficial unless you can convince the EEM to record them in their official Periphery Ledger. Kang takes no responsibility for anything. If you wish to submit an exploration request for Special Kangian Actions, do so via the Nexus PM system to The Editor. There is no charge for the processing of Special Kangian Actions, unless you count that hollow sick feeling in your stomach. But that might be the agent-x.