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Phoenix Nexus News Subspace Static - Star Date 214.23.1
Subspace Static - Star Date 214.23.1



Subspace Static - Star Date 214.23.1

***** Inter Galactic News *****


***** Message From The Overlord *****

Greetings fetid meatsacks of the Peripheries, your beloved Overlord Kang is here to bring you tidings of JOY and PEACE and LOVE once more.

Have your puny meat-thing shells grown more fragile since we last talked? Does your meaningless worthless pitiful existence cry out for that happy day when Overlord Kang will finally come for you and put you out of your misery?

Kang hopes so.

You all disgust Kang. Particularly the Hive race, who appear to have left bio-mechanical extrusions and hidden eggs all over the SSS Headquarters. This is however Kang’s new idea for an Easter Egg hunt for all the little kiddies.

Kang has been away having his three brains scanned. Kang is onto you, brainchip, controlling Kang’s thoughts and actions.

Blaksdjlfkasdjk.

KANG LOVES YOU ALL! PARTICULARLY THE EMPEROR LYSANDER!

HAIL HUMANITY!

HERE IS THE NEWS!



*** Wretched Farmers ***

The vile Tranquility system has changed hands from MOH to MIC. Kang does not know for sure, but Kang is certain these allegedly simple farming folk brutally slaughtered many hundreds of thousands to settle this issue in the only way they understand how.

Wait? What do you mean they held a Great Mohache Bake-Off?

… Kang prefers Kang’s interpretation of the news.



*** Wretched Singer Embarks On Tour ***

The brutal kitten slaughtering Detinus Republic starlet, Treasure Winters, is apparently embarking on a tour of the Peripheries. To… sing, and provide entertainment.

Do you remember the good old days when the wretched meatsacks of the Detinus Republic would embark on tours of the Peripheries that involved such things as massed invasions and grand star-fleets?

To think they are reduced to this.


*** Wimbles – A word so wretched Kang does not need to describe them as ‘wretched Wimbles’, Kang assumes this is simply taken for granted in the SUBTEXT ***

Apparently the Wimble nation have broken some sort of treaty with the Detinus Republic. What next? Are they going to UNLEASH HELL upon the vile human rebels? LYSANDER CERTAINLY HOPES SO! HAIL LYSANDER!


*** Wretched Duel Of Honour ***

With recriminations still rumbling about the recent duel fought between the FET and DEN, Kang has received some interesting news on the elite vessels dispatched by the Dewiek to fight the battle.

Design: Direwolf - Archaic (119) Class Capital Ship [Dewiek]
Hulls: 150 (Heavy Hull mkIII) Hull Damage: 0% Integrity Mod: 0.4

Integrity: 94.8% (39 patches) Armour: 160/160 Type: Armour Plate mkIV (453)

Customisation Report
Wolfpack { +20 Armour, +25 Shield Depth, +50% Shields, +5 Scints }
Space Combat Report
Combat Efficiency: 100% Your Target Silhouette: 3.46 Combat Speed: 2.3 g

Hard Points: 50 / 261

DEFENCE
Armour: 160 Scints: 55 Dodge: 2.3 g Manoeuvring Dodge: 4.6 g Shield

Factors: 7837.5 Shield Depth: 79.77 Max Shields: 7838 Shield Recharge: 600

Installed Items
4 AI Combat Navigator mkIV (923) - 10 mus
1 Battle Bridge (101) - 50 mus
10 Battle Sensor mkIII (202) - 10 mus
20 Bunks (98) - 10 mus
50 Gatling Laser mkIII (217) - 10 mus
15 ISR Type 4 Engines (155) - 10 mus
1 Jump Drive - Armoured (1950) - 75 mus
8 Magazine mkII (2025) - 50 mus
15 Phalanx Battery (3800) - 10 mus
1 Quantum Cloak mkIII (362) - 40 mus
30 Scintillator mkIV (128) - 10 mus
1 Scuttling Charge (5555) - 40 mus
20 Shield Generators mkIV (122) - 10 mus
55 Shields mkIV (118) - 10 mus
1 Stargate Key - Forlorn Hope (962) - 1 mus
1 Stargate Key - Kasmer (960) -
1 Stargate Key - Noctollis (963) - 1 mus
1 Stargate Key - Solo (965) -
1 Stargate Key - Valhalla (961) - 1 mus
10 Targeting Computer mkIV
5 TCA ISR Drives (120040) - 10 mus
1 TCA Plasma (120041) - 1000 mus
25 Thrust Engine mkIV (163) - 20 mus
1 Wormhole Stabiliser (189)

Kang must grudgingly admit to being quite impressed by this vessel. And Kang wonders how outclassed the FET ships that went into the battle might have been?

In related news, the FET have objected to the SSS for having been described as the losers in this battle.

Kang would like to clarify this point by making it quite clear that the FET are losers not just in this battle, but in every way imaginable.

*** Wretched Ulyona ***

A lone Detinus Republic vessel has been destroyed by SUPERIOR and GLORIOUS EMPIRE FORCES in the Ulyona system.

DEATH TO THE REBELS!


*** Wretched Happenings On Stinkhole Planet 21 ***

Conflict has continued to flare across the surface of Planet 21 in the Arachnid system, as the pathetic Detinus Republic continues to try and shut down the GLORIOUS IMP and GTT strip-mining operation.

Feeble environmentalists. Don’t you know that destroying a planets environment leads to glorious blood-red sunsets?

The situation was livened up no end this week when the Confederate platform in orbit started opening up and reigning large-scale death upon the heads of the Detinus troops and no doubt countless innocent civilians below.

Innocent civilians? Who writes this drivel. There is no such thing as an innocent meatsack.

… it has been brought to Kang’s attention that the natives on Planet 21 may be silica-based lifeforms, and the term ‘meatsack’ is not appropriate.

Kang will have to consider this and get back to you. ‘Pebblesack’ somehow doesn’t have the same ring to it.


*** Wretched Demon ***

The Dominion-claimed Demon system has turned Core, with signs of pathetic meatsack civilisation springing up everywhere.

The ‘DOM’ and ‘civilisation’ in the same sentence? Kang does not know what’s happening to the Peripheries these days, he really doesn’t.


*** Superior Non-wretched News ***

Glorious Flagritz forces have destroyed a pirate vessel in the stinking meat-heap known as the Corewards Arm, where Kang understands there is literally nothing else worth doing than hunting down and killing pirates.

… apparently the GCE are very big in Corewards.

This should come as a surprise to nobody.

In less exciting news, the GLORY and FABULOUS GTT whom Kang LOVES and RESPECTS have captured a pirate vessel in the same ghastly region of space.

They had this to say about it:

The pirate ship PIR SHIP PYGLELI (16262) was spotted in orbit of Chidivro (7323) in the Canth System (241) a couple of weeks ago. This ship was mentioned in a prior post as being damaged in an encounter with the FET. As soon as it was feasible, GTT dispatched a blocking squadron to catch it if it attempted to leave orbit and a boarding ship to seized the vessel. Today, that attempt was successful and the PYGLELI was captured.

I respectfully request that if any government or organization has posted this ship by its' number to please remove that posting so as to preclude any accidental firings against this ship in the future. Thank you for your consideration.


Consideration? Kang has got your consideration right here, BELOVED HUMANS!

Look at this? The AFT have bagged one too:

PIR Qukfesia (80029) - Ship
Harcop Raider Class Fast Freighter {Light Ablative Armour}
Armour: 11.7
Hull Damage: 76.0%
Targeted by AFT GrappEXler (84710) - 2005 [2210] Damage
Targeted by AFT GrappEXler (8285) - 1822 [2070] Damage
Targeted by AFT Scout Katie (83096) - 1911 [2200] Damage
Targeted by AFT Hidden Blade (26437) - 1772 [1920] Damage
INTEGRITY BREAKDOWN - Ship reduced to debris


Kang senses there may be sport to be had in Corewards…