Phoenix
Phoenix Nexus News Subspace Static - Star Date 214.05.5
Subspace Static - Star Date 214.05.5



Subspace Static - Star Date 214.05.5

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** TCA Swatted Like The Insignificant Insects They Are? ***

Kang has learnt that a 700 strong warfleet has engaged the worthless TCA at the Gas Giant they’ve been loitering at in the Inner Empire of snivelling humanity.

Kang does not know for sure, but Kang suspects the TCA have just ceased to be a ‘threat’ and become more of an ‘expanding cloud of debris’.

Not that they were much of a threat to start with, the worthless alien meatsacks.


Update!

Kang has observed the following Falconian newsreel regarding this operation:

Inner Empire Newsflash
Falconian Warflocks took part in a combined action against the TCA creche site in Ross. Approximately 50 Falconian warships were part of a 700 ship armada targetting the TCA adult ships. Eight of the Nine TCA ships were destroyed and the remaining vessel the TCA LiQuan in at the Deep End (91239) has sustained very serious damage of over 70%. This ship was reported to be being shielded by another TCA vessel.
The battle saw the use of several thousand antimatter and nuclear devices by the GTT and the rapid deployment of heavy photon batteries in platforms by the DOM industrial machine.
The hapless TCA showed no sign of being able to adapt to this form of warfare and this must surely be a pivotal time for these ancient beings survival.
The Falconian flocks lost 3 ships and another was seriously damaged. We pay our respects to the lost vessels
KBN Tap Hog (79355), a 75HH captured BHD needle beam vessel
KMC Skin Model (91907), a falconian design 200NH carrier
MTB2 Barracuda (6253), a falconian crewed 50HH javelin torpedo cruiser
as well as to the other ships lost in this action. Rescue operations for stranded crew are anticipated soon.
Commuters traveling through the Ross system may expect to have increased journey times as the concentrations of energy release may have disrupted navigation through the local area of space.


*** Wimble Nation Rises From Ashes? ***

There may be a new Grandfather leading the Wimble nation.

There also may not.

This is the sort of cutting and incisive news reporting Kang knows you all love about the SSS. Worry not. Kang has executed the SSS resident Wimble correspondant with BRUTAL EFFICIENCY.


*** GCE Press Release As Interesting As Scraping Mud From Tentacles ***

Greetings to all,

I hereby announce that the GCE renounce any pretentions to policing the Halo periphery.

There will continue to be no GCE enforced exclusion zones in any orbit in Halo to any IND, FRE, PRV or MRC position, as is indeed currently the case.

As is currently the case, PIR positions, and any positions on the GCE posted list will be fired upon if encountered. The PRV position currently on the posted list will be removed.

PRV & MRC positions should not dock at GCE Aquarium without prior permission, as they will be boarded. No one should dock at any GCE outpost under any circumstances.

FRE and IND positions (and in fact all other affiliations other than PIR, PRV & MRC) remain welcome to dock at Aquarium to use the facilities and interact with civilian traders, as they have always been. We prefer the courtesy of advance notice, but it is not required.


*** Press Release Celebrating Death Of Pitiful Crew ***

It is with deep regret that I must announce yet MORE deaths. This time to Piratical SCUM who boarded and took my ship.
I only received the auto-notification from the ship's computer which stated that the three crew members were brutally overpowered and slaughtered like dogs. I can only imagine that they put up one HELL of a fight though.
A memorial service will be held in their honour.

Captain William Sharpe Snr - who is survived by his son Captain William Sharpe Jnr.
Comm's Officer - Steven Blake - Who was single and had no family.
Navigation Officer - Richard Willis - Who was married for 3 years but had no children.

They will be remembered. The ship was taken in the outer sectors of the Discordia System where it was forced to wait when the safety cut-outs kicked in.
The Pirates responsible will be marked and - if encountered again - will be made to pay.
The scum, for what it is worth were on board - PIR SHIP Sodden Wart (4259)

If you will forgive me, I have some calls to make to the families of the lost crew.


*** Pirate Attack ***

A worthless Dewiek freighter has fought off a sizeable attack by pirates in the Solo system, though they only brutally slaughtered a meagre 45 pirates.

45 is a good start, but Kang knows you can do better than this.


*** Superior Platform ***

The troubled orbit of Ahura Mazda in the Persian system has been secured by a glorious Flagritz platform this week:

FLZ PLATFORM PERSIAN DEFENDER (73668) - 734 Hulls [Active on: 5.3]

Kang hopes many slaves died to bring you this platform.




***** The Golden Kangs *****


Nominations are now closed for the Golden Kang awards, and voting has begun.

Go to the Nexus to register your vote, or contact Kang directly if you wish to vote in so-called ‘privacy’.

Your pitiful nominees are:

Most Memorable Event Of The Year.

1) The Boltzman Brain Event.
2) The Spectacular Collapse Of The Confederacy. x
3) The Near Collapse Of The Detinus Republic.
4) Kang becoming Editor. VOTE KANG! x
5) The Discovery Of The Corewards Arm. x
6) The Wearing of Blinders Effect the FLZ had on their erstwhile DEN allies.
7) The Taking Of Faery. x


2) Most Worthless Stupid Sack Of Meat In The Peripheries Award.

1) The still unknown meatsack who woke up the Boltzman Brain.
2) The Emperor Lysander for over-seeing the loss of the Cluster Periphery to the non-humans. x
3) The Baron LiQuan for returning at the head of a TCA invasion fleet. xx
4) The Detinus Senate for being the Detinus Senate. x
5) The Entire Mohache Race.
6) Mona Luvsitt - As she is a huge Kang fan and wants to meet him at the awards ceremony when she collects her trophy!
7) Michelle Diaz For Death By Shoe.


Kang promises a special reward for those nominees who come last in their respective catagories.



***** Scavenger Hunt Prizes *****


The following are the prizes for the 213 Scavenger Hunt. In view of the extended nature of the Hunt there has been a slight tweak in order to keep things interesting. At present there is good hope we will have three different contestants, so all three prizes are still on the table.

First Place Prize
$1,000,000 Cash

1st Runner-Up
Custom Built Advanced 200 Hull Ship

2nd Runner-Up
2,500mu of jacium


The following new options will be made available to the winner and the first runner-up:

The first place winner may at his discretion choose to receive two blueprints for 300-hull ships in lieu of the $1,000,000 cash payout.
The first runner-up may at his discretion choose to receive one blueprint for a 300-hull ship in lieu of the custom built 200-hull ship.


The second runner-up (aka the loser) is stuck with his jacium.

A variety of 300-hull makes and models are available, including normal and heavy crystal ships and normal and heavy organic ships. The exact nature of the blueprints will be negotiated with the winners after the end of the contest, with the first place winner getting first choice among the available options.

Finding a shipyard that can help you turn your blueprint into an actual ship will be left as an exercise for the winner. Note that a 300-hull blueprint can only be used to build one single ship before it is spent.