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SubSpace Static Archive
214
Previous Years
Intergalactic News
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SubSpace Static Archive



SubSpace Static articles are published every week, or as close to that as possible.


It usually contains the best articles of the week, gossip, propaganda, contact requests, recruitment and advertisements. This is all assembled on a voluntary basis by the subspace editor Jerusalem and reading it keeps the citizens of the peripheries well connected with current affairs.


Reading the past subspace static articles gives an insight into the affairs of the past and creates documentation for the history of the peripheries for generations to come.


The most current SubSpace Static is shown in the news column to the right of the page. Weeks previous to that are archived here to look back and reminisce in several years time. They can also be used as a reference to establish when events happened in the past, as events do tend to become a bit blurred in our memory after the passing of several years.



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News
Sub Space Static - No Love For You Edition.

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Your beloved Editor, Overlord Kang, may his superiority long shine as a beacon for all other lesser races to follow, wishes you mellow greetings puny meatsacks and flesh-things of the Peripheries.

Some have asked The Editor recently, ‘Why so mean?’

Honestly, Kang wonders at the stupidity of lesser races that they even have to ask this pointless question. Kang pities you all.

But particularly you.

Yes.

You.

HERE IS NEWS!

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Greetings snivelling meatsacks of the Peripheries.

Your beloved Overlord Kang, recently voted most Brutal Editor In The Peripheries, has some actual editorial news for you this week.

It has been brought to Kang’s attention that the lack of Caliphate news in the SSS recently has been down to a deliberate boycott of this news organisation by the CAL authorities. Who are instead promoting their own tediously self-congratulatory newszine instead.

Kang is saddened to hear this! As Kang enjoys being inclusive in his hatred of all you worthless meatsacks. But Kang feels the Caliphate must surely be thinking Kang simply does not hate them enough, and thus, Kang brings to you all:

 
Sub Space Static.

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Pitiful sentients of the Peripheries, it has again been slow on the old news front, so your beloved editor Overlord Kang has been reduced to sniping little old ladies and dumping their bodies into traffic before blaming it all on the AFT.

Here is a scraping of news!


*** AFT Implicated In Brutal Granny Killing Rampage ***

Sick deviants of the AFT have this week been shown to be behind a rampage of eldster-death incidents across Mobile Bay thanks to some grainy footage that appears to show a rogue Flagritz wearing a ‘I <3 The AFT’ t-shirt pushing bodies off an overpass.

Kastorian Military Junta authorities are understood to be on the brink of declaring war!


 
Sub Space Static. Stardate Star Date 214.40.5

***** Inter Galactic News *****

*** Message From The Editor ***

It is what Kang likes to call a ‘slow news week’ this week. So chuck another intern on the fire and listen to their bones crackle and pop instead.

KANG!

*** Falconian Newsreel ***

It has been a slow month for your favourite falconian newsreel. There is no truth to rumours of a journalists shrike or to reports of flying pickets. In fact they have been busy doing their expense accounts and are now returning to submit these fancies. It is also quite untrue that administrator Xen is writing this issue.

House Owl has cause to celebrate this week as the first ever Applied falconian technology technique was completed. Professor Gary Yotov made the annoucement at the university for Falconian studies. He said that this step marked a new age for the falconian peoples. There are rumours that enhancements in space fighters are planned as technology can now be built to falconian racial strengths.

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

It is that time of year when the nights draw in and Kang sits by his fire casually pushing kittens in with his poker.

… who is Kang kidding.

Kang pushes kittens into fires all year round.

HERE IS NEWS! BROUGHT TO YOU BY DEAD KITTENS!

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Citizens of the Peripheries, Overlord Kang wishes you to know how much Kang admires and respects you.

… why are you looking nervous?

HERE IS NEWS!



*** War! ***

RIP forces appear to be moving to attack the COD, with the following statement coming from the leader of the RIP, Lazarus Dredge:

“Today MRC and RIP forces under my command have moved into position across the Corewards Periphery and the Arridean Spur. Their intention is the destruction or capture of COD positions.

Today elements of these forces attacked the COD outpost Traitor's Gate HQ on the planet Defector, I assume it is destroyed.

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Editor ***

Greetings, febrile meatsacks of the Peripheries. It is time once again to take a break from contemplating the meaningless nature of your existence, and listen to your beloved brutal Overlord Kang contemplating the meaningless nature of your existence instead.

Buckle on your pain-straps, here is the news.

*** War! ***

Superior Flagritz forces have escalated their conflict with the inferior Detinus Republic this week, by unleashing a series of assaults against DTR positions throughout the Espionage system.


 


Sub Space Static - News You Need! Abuse You Can't Get Anywhere Else!

***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Overlord ***

Greetings puny meatsacks and flesh-things of the Peripheries, your beloved Overlord Kang is here with a fresh news injection from the Peripheries favourite* news outlet.

Today the hot topic is ‘Napalm Or Nukes?’

Please contact the SSS HQ via your normal methods to express your opinion.

Kang knows he has a hard time picking a favourite. It’s not like picking a favourite offspring, you can’t just drop them into one of your pain-pits and have them fight it out.

... or can you...

 
***** Inter Galactic News *****


*** Message From The Overlord ***

One of the complaints your beloved Overlord Kang hears most often is that his pincers are too hot and his chair of gouging is too uncomfortable.

But after that, one of the complaints is that Kang’s news is simply not relevant and fast moving enough for the modern Peripheries. That Kang has somehow ‘lost touch’ with events that matter to meatsacks like you.

Here is a newsflash, puny meatsacks, Kang does not care what febrile news matters to you. And by the sound of the muffled explosions Kang’s worthless reporters who have just discovered the new minefield Kang left for them in the parking lot outside don’t care either.

It is hard to care when your legs have been blown off and you’re trying to crawl to safety.

Kang hopes this educational interlude has been useful.

HERE IS SOME NEWS!

 



***** Inter Galactic News *****


***** Message From The Overlord *****

We of the superior Flagritz race have a saying, it is better to risk all than fall to weakness. Weakness is the preserve of you lesser meatsacks, and not a fate any true Flagritz would ever embrace.

So with this in mind your beloved Overlord Kang, conqueror of worlds, scourge of meatsackery across the Peripheries, wielder of the one true dreaded spiked tentacle, has been absent for a few weeks whilst undergoing emergency brain surgery upon his primary cognitive organ.

As some of you pitiful febrile wastes of oxygen and nutrients may have noticed, since being abducted at the Golden Kang’s ceremony, Kang has not been feeling himself. Prone to outbursts of LOVE and AFFECTION for the Empire of Humanity and that festering stinkhole Lysander. Kang began to suspect some sort of villainous brain-control device might have been responsible, particularly when Kang started picking up transmissions from satellites passing overhead and was finding himself waking in the mornings filled with tender loving thoughts towards all humanity (except for the Detinus Republic), instead of Kang’s usual level of hatred towards all.

Foolish Empire of Humanity, did you not know superior Flagritz brains are immune to puny earth-thing mind control devices? The superior Flagrtiz lifeform has built-in triple redundancy. When Kang’s primary brain started being wonky, the secondary and tertiary brains kicked in.

Trusting no other meatsack to remove the chip, and welcoming the opportunity to hack into the brain of a worthwhile form of life for a change, Kang is pleased to announce to you that he has successfully removed said chip. And be assured quivering Empire Of Meatsackery, and your vile underlings of the CIA, you are now top of Kang’s list. Oh yes. Kang has purchased some special implements for you.

Brace yourselves, news incoming!

 

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